About Me

I remember when I was in high school in Germany, our art teacher once introduced us to a print by Paul Klee. It was titled 'Haupt - und Nebenwege', which in English translates to 'Highway and Byways' (see second image).

I was a teenager then and remember looking at Klee's print with a great deal of respect and awe, wondering to what degree it might be a metaphor for life and foretell the nature of things. Looking back, I can say that I have found myself thinking of the print almost every time I am met with an unexpected curveball or challenge within my journey. It makes me smile and still gives me calm grounds for acceptance and hope.

Nowadays, the byways are a reliable life constant to me. They compound and rely on solid forms of discernment. There is no one clear highway. All I am still following is a trajectory of change that I have felt into over the years. It takes discipline, intuition, overcoming, love, wisdom, patience... and surrender... but also the courage to change your mind and learn from your mistakes. To turn around and try again.
 

Arguably, the byways of my life have led to perceived cul-de-sacs, seeming dead ends, points of despair, and hilltop views that were lush, intoxicating, and full of promise - followed by cliff edges and moments of re-emergence that I could never have fathomed in their magnitude. Somehow, a new path always opened up again in the deepest moments of despair. 
 

Of course, the byways I experienced did not unfold in a vacuum - they were shaped by the context I was born into; which was Germany when it was divided into two parts. It is fair to say that my family experienced generationally nurtured lessons that were shaped by survival. Lack of trust became a method of coping - sometimes accompanied by the emphasis on wits and pride. 
 

I don’t know exactly when I realised that self-awareness held the key to my change. It was somewhere between experiencing intense bouts of illness, chronic disease, bitter career endings, heartbreak, relationship breakdowns, and what I would later call a spontaneous spiritual awakening. 
 

I have worked many professions: stacking shelves at a drug store, taking portrait shots for authors and actors, and seeing my photographs appear in galleries and on book jackets. But the calling that has stayed with me most is embodied in my training as a psychotherapist.
 

Even as a child, I was the sort of person that other kids in the playground would spontaneously approach to share their struggles. For a while, I took pride in that and built my identity around it. These days, I look at that part of me with compassion, knowing that what once felt like strength also held my shadow: a tendency to self-abandon, to identify as a rescuer rather than as someone who simply creates an environment for change.

What I have learned is that my role is not to rescue, but to help clear the obstacles that keep people from their own growth.

I am still learning every day. It is fair to say that I have a seemingly never-ending well of curiosity inside me. There is a part of me that deeply values science and its language just as much as I love to create and 'flow' with my feelings. 

Much of my journey since has been about reconnecting with my body, my senses, and my feelings - befriending them, listening to them, and integrating them into how I live. That's why I studied to become a counsellor in the first place - to 'heal' myself from the impacts of adverse childhood circumstances and perspectives that were part of generational 'hand-me-downs' that no longer served me.

Each day I wake up aware of how much I still have to learn, feel through, and discover, yet I could not imagine a life without the joy of discovery itself... It's such a beautiful form of existence that can come through the experience of healthy relationships, self-awareness, growth, and trust. Just as I invite my clients to challenge their perspectives and expand their horizons, I live by that same principle myself.
 

These days I no longer call myself a psychotherapist even though I have built upon the knowledge and experiences of my former job as a counsellor extensively. I prefer not to wear labels. I resonate more with the idea of the 'wounded healer'. The responsibility for change does not lie with me alone. It exists in the in-between - in the relationship, in the process - just as much as in any knowledge or wisdom I might bring to the table due to the 'walk' that I have walked.
 

So as you read this, I hope you find some form of resonance in my story. And if it doesn’t speak to you, perhaps take a moment to look at Paul Klee’s print and ask yourself: Where is your journey taking you? Are you at a cul-de-sac, on a byway, at a hilltop, or somewhere entirely different?
 

At the end of the day, perhaps what comes closest to perfection is not a destination, but the process of life itself.